The narcissist's communication is a cipher, it is coded. Here are two simple rules: 1. The narcissist is never sad - and always mad (at you) and bad; and 2. When the narcissist says "I am bad" (is ostensibly repentant), he means to say "I am afraid" (of the consequences of his actions)

Envelope: reasonable, flexible/compromising, socially-acceptable, commonsensical

Hidden/occult coded message which triggers (pushes buttons) based on shared past experiences and speech acts

Hidden not accessible or comprehensible, so people tend to think that something is wrong with you when you try to share it and enlighten them

Techniques:

Countrtfactuality or non-facticity: big picture agreed, now to the details (shared psychosis)

Victim stance and language never mind what you do or say, you are always the abuser (role): comfort zone, projective identification

Projection because imagined victimhood is confabulated: encouraging ego dystony, shame, guilt tripping, self doubt

Gaslighting via equivocation (“maybe”), challenge to reality testing, rewriting history

Hostility disguised as formality

Manipulativeness and coercion, provocation

Ignoring you and your input/requests

Malingering, procrastination

Perfectionism

Forgetfulness

Neglect

Truancy

intentional inefficiency

stubbornness

pseudo-stupidity

outright sabotage


Use lawyers to respond

Palindromic Speech

There are three types of manipulative speech:

Victim

Child

Psychopathic

Lying and Confabulating

Abusing Speech Acts: Three Examples

Big Picture Evasiveness

Alloplastic Defenses and Shifting Blame

Passive-aggressive Gaslighting

No Reasoning with the Mentally Ill

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