The narcissist devalues you because you won’t freeze, play dead, and conform to your snapshot in his mind. This challenges his grandiosity and amplifies his separation insecurity (abandonment or separation anxiety).

But there is another reason: the narcissist wants you dead because he is already dead and it is lonely out there, in the void, in oblivion.

The narcissist prefers to be in dead relationships because he is utterly dead inside.

Being no more than a walking-talking corpse, the narcissist feels safe only in a cemetery.

The narcissist’s inability to give life and to partake in it is a major narcissistic injury and the fount of mortification.

So, he attempts to deaden his partner, assassinate her enthusiasm and joie de vivre, constrict her autonomy and exploratory spirit, and stunt her growth.

The narcissist is like rot or gangrene, spreading through his partner’s healthy parts until she is no more - like him, rendered an automaton with faulty programming.

One of the main vectors of attack is devaluation, both preemptive and reactive.

Narcissists transition from an overt state to a covert one via a process of collapse (systemic and prolonged failure to secure narcissistic supply).

But some narcissists remain stuck in the interim period and create a binary system: a sadistic, grandiose overt which dominates and humiliates the covert self-state, acting as a kind of harsh inner critic gone awry. More:    • Overt+Covert Narcissist in One Person...  

The overt subpersonality is in charge of sustaining the grandiosity cognitive distortion by interacting with potential sources of supply. But it then colludes with them and weaponizes them to further depress the covert.

Aware of the role of the overt as a fifth column or a Trojan horse, the covert pseudoidentity preemptively devalues everyone the overt is in touch with, defanging them this way and denying them the ability to cause narcissistic injury.

As distinct from reactive devaluation, the preemptive variant is solely interiorized, a part of the passive-aggressive arsenal of the covert.

The covert also easily gets bored and loses interest (decathects) in various undertakings in order to deny the overt the opportunities to be in touch with people and turn them against the covert.

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