Intent vs. Impact in relationships - When they don't mean to hurt you, but they still do!

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00:00 - Intent vs impact in relationships
Intent means what you want to communicate or achieve, whereas impact referes to the actual impact your words and acrtions; how they impact the other person. People's intentions drive their actions, but their actions may not always have the same impact as they wanted.

Being on the receiving end of this intent and impact can be hard, especially if you tell yourself to dismiss your impact and focus on the other person's intentions. Not focusing on your emotions is not going to help you feel better about the situation. It actually makes you feel even more misunderstood and hurt.

Understanding this intent vs impact is an essential part of emotional intelligence and wellbeing. It is also important for any healthy relationship to be successful.

01:54 - Dangers of intent and impact gap
#DrSuri shares a persona example to highlight how someone's actions can hurt you, even if they didn't mean it that way. In fact, when you ignore your feeling, you are more likely to feel misunderstood and lonely in your experience. You may also feel guilty for experiencing the impact the way you do, especially when the other person had good intentions. This is why you can't ignore your experiences - Intentions only matter when they match their outcome.

There are 3 dangers of intent and impact gap in a relationship. First, it can lead to the feeling of emotional isolation as you feel misunderstood by your boyfriend or your girlfriend. It gives rise to the feeling that your partner doesn't really get you. Secondly, it can become an excuse for all mistakes in a relationship - an excuse to get out of any uncomfortable situation or conversation with your partner. Still, the biggest danger of focusing on someone's intentions over impact is that it always leads to self-gaslighting.

06:43 - When you should focus on the intent
Sometimes it can be helpful to look past things and move on from an issue, but it's only possible to focus on your partner's intent when their intentions come across as genuine and authentic to you. Secondly, when the same intent and impact miscommunication is not happening repeatedly.

This requires both thoughtfulness and accountability. You have to speak-up and communicate to your partner how their words or actions are impacting you, even if it's an uncomfortable conversation.

07:55 - Why intent vs impact gap exists
Reasons for intent vs impact misunderstanding in romantic #relationships come down to two things: Self awareness and purposeful communication. Self awareness helps you be intentional about your intentions, specifically what are you hoping to get by doing certain actions. Purposeful communication helps you understand your partner, and better able to predict what actions will speak best to your wife or husband. With self awareness and effective communication you can repair your relationship by avoiding words and behaviors that land on the other person in a negative way. This is the foundation of all #HealthyRelationships.

08:35 - How to bridge the intent vs outcome gap
It's easy to feel lost when your actions don't lead to the impact you desire, which is where the psychology of intent vs. impact can be very helpful. Dr. Suri describes that biggest obstacles in bridging up the gap between your actions and their outcome are a lack of self awareness and poor communication. To help you overcome these obstacles, #DrSuri shares a step-by-step action plan on how to bridge the gap between your intentions and their impact on your partner, so that you can avoid misunderstandings.