Teenage Matters Part 03 | Teenage Matters is a short workshop for parents, organized by Hiba magazine & conducted by Salman Asif Siddiqui.

SCENARIO 03:

‘My parents don`t allow me any outing or even a cell phone.’
I am a 16-year-old girl and my parents are very strict. They never let me go to any school party or function or any tour. They also never let me use a cell phone.

All friends say to me that I belong to the 1990s. They make a lot of fun of me. I don`t know what to do. Once when I got 90 percent in my board exams, I asked my father to buy me a smartphone. Instead of buying me a phone, my father scolded and ridiculed me. I don`t want to live such a life.

SCENARIO 04:

‘No one in my family talks to each other and I can’t stand it.’
I am a 15-year-old boy and have seen hundreds of quarrels between my parents in my life. I don’t know why they are together when they don’t love each other. I have rarely seen them in good mood. They do not talk to me except about my studies and exams which I cannot concentrate upon.
I already have social anxiety and it’s hard dealing with that at school. Home for a teen should be the best place ever, but that is not the case here. I hate staying home. My efforts are never appreciated and it’s all about marks and results. Instead of being encouraged at home I get taunted and ridiculed, especially by my parents.
Every day I cry because of my family and the other problem is that if I try to object or say ‘no’ then they say that I’m ‘answering back.’ Even my friends say ‘Girl, you need a life.’ I know I am not good at studies but I like singing and arts. I really want to love my parents but I think most of my problems are related to them. I feel like running away from here. I am very depressed.


PROBLEMS FROM TEENAGERS’ PERSPECTIVE:

1. My parents don’t trust me
2. Nobody understands me except my friend
3. I can’t trust anyone not even my parents and friends
4. I don’t know why my parents do what they do and what they want from me
5. I can’t share what I feel
6. I wish I was born free, I want to be free
7. I need more time to be with my friends
8. I don’t know why I am studying what I hate
9. I don’t know what I will be doing in future and where I will end up
10. I hate that everyone tries to instruct me
11. How can I remain accepted by everyone in my family and social circle?
12. Sometimes I feel bad, down or depressed for unknown reasons
13. Sometimes I feel frustrated or irritated by something which I rarely tell anyone
14. Course is lengthy and difficult – I feel enormous pressure of exams
15. I don’t have free time in my life – overly packed study routine
16. Teachers are not supportive, feel afraid to ask questions from them
17. Facing language difficulties (Urdu or English)
18. Sometimes I feel confused, can’t decide what to do – afraid of taking wrong decisions
19. I like to understand and follow religion but am not comfortable with religious people
20. It is unbearable when my friend ignores me
21. I want to have my personal space, need privacy for myself – my life is so open


KEY PRINCIPLES OF PARENTING TEENAGERS:

1. Learn to look at things from their perspective. Try to define problem from their point of view.
2. Understand and acknowledge their feelings even if you do not agree to what they believe.
3. Treat them as if they were adults. Give them the unconditional respect which every human being deserves. Beware of your tone and choice of words while you interact with them.
4. Respect their privacy and maintain confidentiality. Do not spy on them.
5. Seek their advice in your affairs. Share your life with them.
6. Instead of describing the problem from your perspective, ask them to guess and state how you look at things.
7. Never criticize their friends. Show respect for their choices.
8. Don’t decide things for them instead decide with them or let them decide for themselves. Explore the criteria of intelligent decision making with them.
9. When they consult you, give suggestions not rulings.
10. Keep communication open. Discuss often. Engage them in reflective conversations. Maintain RJs with them.
11. Express often what you feel about them both orally and in writing, in person and in public.
12. Do not gauge their intelligence by their report card and grades.
13. Do not express your worries about their future. Express your trust in God and in the abilities of your children.
14. Model exemplary relationships if you want them to rise as emotionally competent individuals.
15. Do not let screens invade your family time.

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ERDC envisages social excellence through making teachers, learners, parents and schools realize their meaning and achieve their full potential