Chris Voss: How to Succeed at Hard Conversations
Andrew Huberman Andrew Huberman
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 Published On Oct 2, 2023

In this episode, my guest is Chris Voss, a former Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) agent who was the lead negotiator in many high-risk, high-consequence cases. Chris has taught negotiation courses at Harvard and Georgetown Universities and is the author of the book “Never Split the Difference.” We discuss how to navigate difficult conversations of all kinds, including in business, romance and romantic breakups, job firings and tense conversations with family and friends. Chris explains how to navigate online, in person and in written negotiations, the red flags to watch out for and how to read body and voice cues in face-to-face and phone conversations. He explains how to use empathy, certain key questions, proactive listening, emotional processing and more to ensure you reach the best possible outcome in any hard conversation. This episode ought to be of interest to anyone looking to improve their interpersonal abilities and communication skills and for those who want to be able to keep a level head in heated discussions.

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Chris Voss
The Black Swan Group: https://www.blackswanltd.com
MasterClass: https://bit.ly/45bL86o
Never Split the Difference (book): https://amzn.to/47Ng5Qv
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Articles
Human magnetic sense is mediated by a light and magnetic field resonance-dependent mechanism: https://go.nature.com/3PFQ5hP
Conscious processing of narrative stimuli synchronizes heart rate between individuals: https://bit.ly/48BegXl

Books
"Man Without a Gun : One Diplomat's Secret Struggle to Free the Hostages, Fight Terrorism, and End a War": https://amzn.to/3RfHTWv
"Beyond Winning: Negotiating to Create Value in Deals and Disputes": https://amzn.to/3uSBjOd
"The Upward Spiral: Using Neuroscience to Reverse the Course of Depression, One Small Change at a Time": https://amzn.to/4acfs4t
"The Full Fee Agent: How to Stack the Odds in Your Favor as a Real Estate Professional": https://amzn.to/3Nhe9Hp

Huberman Lab Episodes
Dr. Eddie Chang: The Science of Learning & Speaking Languages: https://bit.ly/46rUFaZ
How Smell, Taste & Pheromone-Like Chemicals Control You: https://bit.ly/45u3ik1
Dr. Robert Malenka: How Your Brain's Reward Circuits Drive Your Choices: https://bit.ly/459vqbH
Dr. Paul Conti: Therapy, Treating Trauma & Other Life Challenges: https://bit.ly/45g8Nmb

Timestamps
00:00:00 Chris Voss
00:02:18 Sponsors: Plunge & ROKA
00:04:59 Negotiation Mindset, Playfulness
00:11:41 Calm Voice, Emotional Shift, Music
00:18:59 “Win-Win”?, Benevolent Negotiations, Hypothesis Testing
00:28:38 Generosity
00:32:46 Sponsor: AG1
00:33:44 Hostile Negotiations, Internal Collaboration
00:39:40 Patterns & Specificity; Internet Scams, “Double-Dip”
00:48:15 Urgency, Cons, Asking Questions
00:54:46 Negotiations, Fair Questions, Exhausting Adversaries
01:01:09 Sponsor: InsideTracker
01:02:18 “Vision Drives Decision”, Human Nature & Investigation
01:07:47 Lying & Body, “Gut Sense”
01:15:42 Face-to-Face Negotiation, “738” & Affective Cues
01:20:39 Online/Text Communication; “Straight Shooters”
01:26:47 Break-ups (Romantic & Professional), Firing, Resilience
01:32:16 Ego Depletion, Negotiation Outcomes
01:37:35 Readiness & “Small Space Practice”, Labeling
01:45:17 Venting, Emotions & Listening; Meditation & Spirituality
01:51:41 Physical Fitness, Self-Care
01:57:01 Long Negotiations & Recharging
02:02:40 Hostages, Humanization & Names
02:08:50 Tactical Empathy, Compassion
02:15:27 Tool: Mirroring Technique
02:22:20 Tool: Proactive Listening
02:29:48 Family Members & Negotiations
02:35:21 Self Restoration, Humor
02:39:01 Fireside, Communication Courses; Rapport; Writing Projects
02:47:45 “Sounds Like…” Perspective
02:50:54 Zero-Cost Support, Spotify & Apple Reviews, Sponsors, YouTube Feedback, Momentous, Social Media, Neural Network Newsletter

Title Card Photo Credit: Mike Blabac - https://www.blabacphoto.com

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