I'm HeathCliff, at home with fever and symptoms. I want to reassure friends and loved ones, colleagues and followers that I'm hanging in and that my symptoms (while worrisome) but not severe - but I don't want this to be about me.

I posted yesterday about the generosity of my neighbor Tay, it was meant to shine the light on the beauty of people's hearts. I mentioned that I was feeling under the weather, but didn't want that as the focus, especially when it's mild compared to others. When I post videos of myself, I want to shine a light on what I've learned, or how I've grown, share things that I understand about loving others, and my own journey from narcissism and self-loathing to learning to love.

Thank you for the wishes. I am "OK" relative to many others. While I've been sick for 10 days with fever that mostly doesn't go away, it's also been low-grade. While my chest hurts, I can breathe freely and there's no cough. I was tested for COVID-19, but don't have the results. Like most of us, it's the anvil hanging over: Will my symptoms get worse? Will I start coughing? Will I have trouble breathing. As we know with COVID-19, you think you are getting better, then it gets worse. It oscillates.

I have fever while recording this video, but at least I am moving around.
Yesterday I was a lump in bed (though happily binge-watching "Lark Rise to Candleford."

So, as you can see, I'm hanging in. But what I wanted most was to share more of what I said yesterday, when my neighbor's heart and actions brought me to tears. Alone, I started sobbing, triggered by the tears, and felt the fear that I try to push away - and as I prayed, I saw what I was praying for.

My epiphany - yet another breakthrough in these months and years of learning to love - was praying and sobbing not to get well for myself - though of course I want to get well - but for the love of another, my beloved Christian. Not wanting him to be alone and have to navigate this world without me caring for him in vital ways he needs, as he cares for me in equally vital ways I need.

It was such a moment of being in the light, and purity - my love and my capacity to love - and didn't come from obligation or guilt or any external manifestation of "should." It came from so many years of healing and growing and learning to love myself, of loving allowance of others and myself, of learning to love unconditionally, of living on this earth celebrating everyone's unique individuality and forgiving others for ways they fail that they cannot help. Of achieving humility.

I love living life with my heart so able to feel love for myself and others. I want to get well, and for life to be recognizable again for all of us. And for all of us to be safe and courageous with loving hearts during the challenging coming days.