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This week, I took us off our normally scheduled program over at In/Authentic to talk about accountability—not just to talk about it but to actually explore where most people get it wrong. As I’ve taught Good Authority over the years, out of all of the steps of the Accountability Dial, The Limit might be the most difficult to master …

Step 5 - The Limit means we fire them, right, Jonathan?

Actually, no - The Limit doesn’t mean they are fired - and to mistake it for that is missing the point.

The Limit is when, as the person trying to help someone else, you feel like you've given all the feedback and coaching you could think of. Even if you’ve delivered it imperfectly, you’ve surfaced all the relevant data. you've given your time, support, coaching, and maybe even support from other people as well. Here’s what it can sound like:

“So, I feel like I've done everything I can to help you take ownership of this change. And as much as I’m rooting for you, I have to move on to other priorities and commitments. As you know, it has to change in the ways we’ve agreed, but the ball is fully in your court now.”

It's when you can be firm in those moments that you are embodying what it means to have a culture of accountability.

To be a good manager, a good leader, a good consultant or coach, or a good friend, isn’t just about starting the feedback conversation. It’s about knowing how to end it.

It comes down to being fully committed to both the sovereignty and dignity of the person you’re trying to help and the discipline to take care of yourself and not drain your energy on people who for, whatever reason, aren’t able to receive your help.

The Limit is all about striking that balance, between individuals and systems, all living and competing for their own needs and wants in the world.