Denis O’Hare as Man performing a song in the Café Everything sequence, as part of the original Off-Broadway production of Here We Are. Recorded at The Shed on the original production’s first preview in September 2023. Lyrics below:

I am so sorry
Madam
We have no decaf latte mocha ninos
With soy milk
Today
What can I say?

That’s not the problem
Madam
The problem isn’t just the soy, you see
It’s more than just the soy

I couldn’t be more sorry
Madam
But sad to say the fact is that not only do we have no soy,
(Oh boy.)
We have no mocha
We’re also out of latte
We do expect a little latte later
But we haven’t gotta lotta latte now

Sir, not only are we out of milk
We’re out of cream
We’re out of half and half
We’re also outta ‘caf
Is that a laugh?

Ah…
Yes…
Well…

I am so sorry
Madam
I do apologize
It’s unforgivable
I’m so embarrassed
But not only are we out of earl gray
We’re out of earl green
We’re out of earl red and blue
And everything in between

I apologize profusely
Madam
But we’re shit out of tea
Today
Je suis désolé
Madam, if I may
I forgot to say
By the way

We have no Coke
We have no Sprite
We have no Mountain Dew
No Fresca Lite
And I should add, although I do regret it
If you’re thinking beer or wine, forget it

I am so sorry, sir, but
We’re out of Abalone om-e-lettes
Although I have to say they are delicious
And I’m sure you’d like them if we had them
But we don’t

Nor have we any hash
Never mind the curried goat
And wait, I made a note
Oh yes, the
Huevos
Nada
Sorry

Right, who had the duck?
You’re out of luck
(Fuck)

As for the blood pudding
Well, I wouldn’t recommend it anyway

On behalf of the entire management and staff
And international consor-ti-um
That owns and operates the Café Everything
I can’t apologize enough

I just may go and kill myself
That’s what I’ll do, I’ll kill myself
I’d rather kill myself
Than have to tell you we’re completely out of food
(How rude!)
Of any kind
(Never mind!)

I should have given you some warning
But it’s been a very busy morning