Can pain do good?
As a child I learnt that denial was the only way to manage sadness and loss.
We will all grieve, yet we turn away from facing death, and are therefore ignorant and unable to help ourselves when it does happen.
We learn that grieving is a form of learning, and that pain, unfortunately, is the agent of change. Pain is the curative part of grief; it is how we heal. we adapt and grow through loss.
We learn that the very thing we least want to do, is the very thing we most need to do. We also discover that our love for the person who dies remains, and even grows.
When we allow ourselves to grieve we discover that we are forever changed by it, and that change is experienced as growth.
So, yes, when it comes to grief, pain can do good.
Julia Samuel MBE is a leading UK psychotherapist who worked for decades in the NHS. She has held many roles in the charitable sector. She is Founder Patron of Child Bereavement UK an organisation she played a significant part for 25 years. She is a Vice President of BACP. Honorary Doctorate by Middlesex University.
Julia's three books, all Sunday Times bestsellers, Grief Works, This Too Shall Pass and she published Every Family Has a Story in 2022, the USA edition published November 2022. Her books have been published in 17 foreign territories.
She has written for all the national newspapers and broadcast on many TV and radio programmes. Her new podcast series Therapy Works was released in October and was immediately in the top 10 Apple charts, no 1 on mental health.
In 2021 Julia produced a 5* rated app for those who grieve, Grief Works – a 28 day course to support you in your grief which has been 5* rated, Apple featured it numerous times as a recommended and trending app. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at https://www.ted.com/tedx