At 35 years old, Kate Bowler was living the life she always wanted for herself. She had married her high school sweetheart, become a mom for the first time, and had landed a dream job in academia. She worked hard, and she felt like those efforts were paying off for her just as they should. After all, good things happen to good people, right?

But that same year, Kate received an unexpected diagnosis of stage 4 cancer. In that moment, her life—and her system of beliefs—was turned upside down. Today, over 3 years later, Kate is working to understand how people can live full lives in the face of pain, suffering, and uncertainty, and she’s sharing her findings with the world. Check out Kate’s emotional 2018 TEDMED Talk to learn what happens when we finally give up control and accept that there may not always be a hidden logic to the chaos of life.