After years of battling vaginismus, a pelvic floor condition that makes penetrative sex impossible, Shelby Hadden had sex for the first time at 25 years old. It was worth the wait, and “losing her virginity” didn’t feel like she “lost” anything nor was anything taken from her. She had been brave, listened to her body, and accomplished a goal she worked very hard to achieve.



Offering a more sex-positive framework to describe early sexual experiences, Shelby examines why the most commonly-accepted definition of virginity is narrow, male-centric, and heteronormative, excluding sex between LGBTQIA+ partners, people with disabilities, and those with sexual dysfunction. She poses the question: what if people approached sex for the first time from a place of curiosity and exploration, rather than one of fear and shame?

Shelby Hadden is a writer, producer, and the documentary filmmaker behind the award-winning short animated film, “Tightly Wound.” Much of her work has focused on raising awareness of pelvic floor dysfunction and chronic pelvic pain.

Shelby Hadden is a writer, producer, and the documentary filmmaker behind the award-winning short animated film, “Tightly Wound.” Much of her work has focused on raising awareness of pelvic floor dysfunction and chronic pelvic pain. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at https://www.ted.com/tedx