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Empathy, sympathy, and kindness may seem like elements of a civilized society, something that only highly evolved humans have achieved after overcoming the basic requirements for survival. They may even seem to be at odds with the core tenants of evolution and survival of the fittest. Stanford professor and psychologist, Jamil Saki, joins me to discuss the distinction between these skills, their evolutionary value, and how they are critical today as you drive towards achieving your goals. Empathy may very well be the secret ingredient that allowed relationships, communities and even humanity itself to flourish.

Order Jamil Zaki’s new book, The War for Kindness: https://www.amazon.com/War-Kindness-B...

War For Kindness Empathy Gym: https://www.warforkindness.com/challe...

SHOW NOTES:
War For Kindness | Jamil explains the oxymoron and the need to fight separation [0:26]
Darwin Debunked | Jamil on how much more successful species are working together [2:26]
Kindness Wins | 2 ways kindness is proven to be evolutionary winner & key to success [4:04]
Collaborative Intelligence | Why humans have evolved intelligence to collaborate and win [6:10]
Cooperation | Jamil on the effectiveness of cooperation to advance culture and society [9:24]
Empathy | Jamil on why empathy is a vital skill for relationships and achieving goals [10:34]
Defining Empathy | 3 parts that define the full range of empathy for connecting to others [11:56]
Empathy & Kindness | Why you can have one without the other and how it’s less healthy [13:00]
Sympathy | Why Jamil avoids this term and feels the word has been compromised [14:19]
Helpful Empathy | Jamil explains why certain parts empathy are not always useful [20:13]
Survival Skill | How Jamil landed on his passion for exploring empathy as psychologist [21:57]
Parochial Empathy | Jamil on how conflict leads us to selective empathy [26:24]
Train Up Empathy | Jamil shares ways to build and improve empathy [30:08]
Rwanda Genocide | How story-telling is being used to heal and finding empathy [34:27]
Contact | How prejudice & hatred are easiest at a distance and how Tony found empathy [38:33]

QUOTES:
“empathy is actually a vital skill that allows us to accomplish a lot of our goals” [10:47]

“sometimes I think people imagine that empathizing has to mean, I hurt when you hurt, and if we believe that then that can get get us into some cul de sac with our own process of empathy that we don't really need to go into.” [21:32]

“I think of my parents divorce as like an empathy gym.” [23:43]

“when we immerse ourselves in those stories, we can build our empathy towards real people, we can broaden our care towards real others, and that can be another really powerful way to practice this sort of personal growth” [38:05]

Guest Bio:
JAMIL ZAKI is a professor of psychology at Stanford University and the director of the Stanford Social Neuroscience Lab. Using tools from psychology and neuroscience, he and his colleagues examine how empathy works and how people can learn to empathize more effectively. His writing on these topics has appeared in the New York Times, the Washington Post, the New Yorker, and the Atlantic. He lives in San Francisco with his wife and their two daughters.

Follow Jamil Zaki:
Website: https://www.warforkindness.com/
LinkedIn:   / jamil-zaki-b0b4a9192  
Facebook:   / jazzmule  
Twitter:   / zakijam