NEW TOUR FALL 2010 tickets here: http://tinyurl.com/2a3labw

my new CD, "words, words, words," is here: http://itunes.apple.com/us/album/word...

CD/DVD available now in stores.
get it at Target for only $9.99 woo-hoo
or iTunes: http://tinyurl.com/dh4gr5
my comedy central special airs march 27th!

stalk me:   / boburnham  
read my blog: http://www.boburnham.com/

music and lyrics by bo burnham

i love you like kings love queens
like a gay geneticist loves designer jeans (genes).
i need you like new orleans needs a drought
like hitler's father needed to learn to pull out
and i love you like a lawyer/mathematician wants some kind of proof
and i love you like JFK wanted a car with a roof.

cause love is taking a dive, then getting really comfortable and peeing in the pool
and love is real life porn minus all the stuff that makes porn cool
and love is a homeless guy searching for treasure in the middle of the rain and finding a bag of gold coins and slowly finding out that theyre all filled with chocolate and even though he's heartbroken he cant complain cause he was hungry in the first place.

i love you like dora loves maps like the popes toilet loves holy craps
i need you like a voyeur needs a branch
like boys tossing salad needs a little bit of neverland ranch
and i want you like all the gothic kids that look exactly the same never want to conform
and i want you like anne frank wanted
no one to read her fucking diary...cause a diary's a collection of secret things that no one is suppose to read thats the whole point of a diary. millions of people have breached this little girls privacy after she was chased by nazis kick her while she's down.

and if we met in 10000bc i was your caveman youz my cavelady
if we got hot we'd start rubbing
if we got hungry we'd go clubbing
theres wooly mammoths but i will protect us
you're making me devolve to a homo-erectus

and if we met in 1780
i was a white southern aristocratic plantation owner and you were my dark-skinned servant lady
slave...
whenever i could get away from the misses
i'll go to your shed and then i'll steal you kisses
but let's be serious i'd still work you full time as a slave
theres a difference between romantic language and a complete disregard for socio-economic trends.
and if we met in 1941
i was a nazi youz a gypsy on teh run.....thats a little redundant
that...probably wouldnt've worked out.

cause love is your favorite food for every breakfest, lunch and dinner
and love is the holocaust except you dont die quick adn you dont get thinner
and love is being the owner of the company that makes rape whistles and even though you started the company with good intentions trying to reduce the rate of rape, now you dont want to reduce them at all cause if the rape rate declines youll see an equal decline in whistle sales....
without rapists whos gonna buy your whistles
love is all about whistles...