"In the night"

Why do I put myself in these positions or situations...or whatever you call this place I'm in rn? I don't want to address this, because I've never ever talked or addressed this to anyone in my life before. I've never said it out loud. I haven't accepted it, i guess. I wanna just hide and pretend like nothing but that feels wrong. I can choose to not upload this, but that feels wrong too. Since I made it, and it's coming from somewhere, and is complete. I didn't have to put the two last quotes in there though, I could just pretend this was another random video...but then again that also feels wrong omg. I'm a mess, can you tell? This is probably why i can never ever show anyone IRL this channel, cause its all sorts of messed up. Its like im sharing more on here than with my therapist lol.

But I keep thinking that if I feel like this, and this character feels like this, someone out there, a boy, a girl, a women, a man, a young person, an old person, all genders, all ages, everyone, cause I don't discriminate and neither should you cause this happens every single day. These feelings aren't singular. I'm not the only person feeling like this, you're never alone in a feeling, no matter how alone you feel in the moment.

My heart breaks for this character, you don't even know. I feel so guilty still and I hate that. I wish I could face it head on and be done, but I cant. I probably never will and it sucks. But my past does not define me, and your past shouldn't either. You can rewrite your story at any time. You can hold your head up high, take a deep breath and push through hard times. Life is worth it, don't let fucked up people ruin your chance at your only life.

I love every single person who read all this. I'm still in shock at how amazing you all are. I can’t express enough how meaningful you are. I love you.