Mark Twain, pseudonym of Samuel Langhorne Clemens, (born November 30, 1835, Florida, Missouri, U.S.—died April 21, 1910, Redding, Connecticut), American humorist, journalist, lecturer, and novelist who acquired international fame for his travel narratives, especially The Innocents Abroad (1869), Roughing It (1872), and Life on the Mississippi (1883), and for his adventure stories of boyhood, especially The Adventures of Tom Sawyer (1876) and Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (1885). A gifted raconteur, distinctive humorist, and irascible moralist, he transcended the apparent limitations of his origins to become a popular public figure and one of America’s best and most beloved writers.

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-"No amount of evidence will ever persuade an idiot."

-"Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason."

-"Life is short, Break the Rules. Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly. Love truly. Laugh uncontrollably And never regret ANYTHING That makes you smile."

-"Why waste your money looking up your family tree? Just go into politics and your opponent will do it for you."

-"I was educated once - it took me years to get over it."

-"Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see."

-"Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience."

-"When I was 17, my father was so stupid, I didn't want to be seen with him in public. When I was 24, I was amazed at how much the old man had learned in just 7 years."

-"Give every day the chance to become the most beautiful day of your life."

-"Good decisions come from experience. Experience comes from making bad decisions."

-"How easy it is to make people believe a lie, and [how] hard it is to undo that work again!"

-"If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.

-"Continuous improvement is better than delayed perfection."

-"The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why."

-"If voting made any difference they wouldn't let us do it."

-"Worrying is like paying a debt you don't owe."

-"Our lives, our liberty, and our property are never in greater danger than when Congress is in session."

-"Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference."

-"It's better to be an optimist who is sometimes wrong than a pessimist who is always right."

-"To be great, truly great, you have to be the kind of person who makes the others around you great."

-"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option."

-"The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog."

-"Do not complain about growing old. It is a privilege denied to many."

-"If we were meant to talk more than listen, we would have two mouths and one ear."

-"Just because you’re taught that something’s right and everyone believes it’s right, it don’t make it right."

-"Great things can happen when you don't care who gets the credit."

-"A man's character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation."

-"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man."

-"Most men die at 27, we just bury them at 72."

-"When in doubt tell the truth. It will confound your enemies and astound your friends."

-"There are basically two types of people. People who accomplish things, and people who claim to have accomplished things. The first group is less crowded."

-"The frankest and freest product of the human mind and heart is a love letter; the writer gets his limitless freedom of statement and expression from his sense that no stranger is going to see what he is writing."

-"Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century."

-"Man will do many things to get himself loved, he will do all things to get himself envied."

-"We are always too busy for our children; we never give them the time or interest they deserve. We lavish gifts upon them; but the most precious gift, our personal association, which means so much to them, we give grudgingly."

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